Bad idea or: Shut up and strip!
by Jasu94
Summary: When Sirius decides to play a strip game of cards with Tonks, her metamorphmagi skills come in handy for something entirely unrelated to the work of an auror. Written for the "Bare it all" challenge on HPFC


**_AN:_**_ This is bad. Really. I apologize. :S I may have ruined the really great idea of the challenge by making it into this. Nevermind. _

**_Challenge:_**_ Written for the HPFC "Bare It All a.k.a. Streak Challenge" by Blackwolf-20_

**_Beta: _**_None._

**_Disclaimer:_**_Everything familiar belongs to JKR and the Warner Brothers. I don`t make any money with this story. _

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I divined it was a bad idea when Sirius invented Remus, Charlie and me to stay in Grimmauld Place after a meeting of the Order, "to have some fun".

I was certain it was a bad idea when Sirius announced the evening to be boring and declared we would play cards.

I knew it was a bad idea when Charlie added we should play a strip version of cards, "to make it more interesting".

I knew it was the _worst_ idea ever as soon as I had lost my shoes, socks, jacket and pants.

Hi, I am Nymphadora Tonks, but everybody (besides my father) calls my Tonks. I am currently sitting at a very old table filled with charts, newspaper cuttings, parchment rolls full of information about dark wizard activity and the reminders of dinner in Grimmauld Place Number 12, London.

With me are my second-cousin and prison escapee, currently wearing only his pants, one sock and a shirt, an old classmate of mine (barefooted, pant-less and clad in his underwear and a button-down) who refused to sleep in his parents' house and the man I have a crush on, but who thinks he is too old for me – wearing his pants, both socks and an undershirt.

And then there is me, sitting here in my best pink-orange polka-dotted panties, a worn out "British School of Aurors - Class of 1994" t-shirt which originally was blue and a black bra underneath. And in front of me lay my cards, indicating I lost. Again.

I sigh loudly, look up and see the stupid grin of Sirius, Charlie's try of an apologetically smile and Remus shrugging.

I peel my shirt of and immediately, three pairs of eyes widened. _Ugh, men! Great._

"I dare you, Sirius. One word and you are going to…"  
"You have a very serious six-pack situation going on there."

That was enough. Yes, maybe I am trained well and yes, telling me I had a "six-pack situation" was Sirius` way of saying that I look good, but enough is enough.

I am, after all, very unsure about myself. People would not believe me, as I can change my body to everything considered beautiful, but this is what makes me uncomfortable. I have nothing I can call my own body and be proud of. All I have is a body that can constantly change and does so itself when I do not concentrate or feel sad.

I throw my shirt at Sirius to make him shut up. Only after he triumphantly catches it I realize my mistake: Now I have nothing to cover my skin up with anymore.

"Look at this, Moony… She`s got a six-pack."  
"I only have a six-pack because I wanted one." I feel the need to clarify and transform my faked ripped abs into a potbelly, adding a fair amount of hair for good measurement and watching as the guys quickly decided to look somewhere else. _Success so far._

The cards had in the meantime shuffled themselves and everybody was ready for another round.

My transformation goes back to something average, normal looking because I became nervous and could not hold up the fake body.

I have the King of Spades, and feel lucky as some former Minister of Magic with a stupid, cartoon-like crown on his head waves up to me. Until I saw the other cards: Remus played the Ace of Clubs, a Gryffindor lion, Sirius followed suit with the Ace of Hearts, resembled by the badger and Charlie had the Ace of Spades. _Unbelievable._

"You bewitched these cards, Sirius, you totally did."  
"Shut up and strip!" was Sirius` only answer to this and after I shot him a death-glare, he added a silent "please" afterwards.

Okay, I admit… I am not proud of myself. I could just leave them alone with their fantasies. But I don't. Remus is here, after all and we are in war, so why not have a little fun?

I can't believe I am doing it, but before any more doubts can come up, I open my bra and toss it aside.

All six eyes belonging to male people in the room stare at me, before I shut my own very tightly, hoping it would be over fast. I am far too nervous to transform and make myself less worthy being stared at.

My hands are shaking as I put my card back in the pile (the king winked at me and I hope it had nothing to do with the amount of skin he had seen) and watch as it shuffled itself. Meanwhile, not meeting any of the hungry eyes staring at me, I folded my arms in front of my chest in a try to cover up as much skin as possible.

"Okay!" Sirius announces, while pivoting his glass filled with a green, poisonous looking beverage dangerously fast above his head. "Okay, boys and girl. I announce: Bonus Round! Two pieces of clothing from the next loser!"

Although Remus was still from time to time shyly glancing at me, he now steps in to my rescue.  
"Sirius, I think we all had enough!"  
"Well, Mooooony, I do not. We will play until somebody is naked."  
"Tonks already is."  
"Not completely, though." He winks at Remus, who gives an apologetic look to me. I just shrug – I already stepped over my boundaries, why not go a little further?

The queen of clubs and the jack of diamonds lay on the table, looking up at the ceiling more or less happy. Alongside them is an eagle, the ace of diamonds. Although not the slightest religious, I find myself praying for a high card. I shut her eyes tightly again and place the card on the table. And as the cheers of the men fill my ears, I knew I had just lost everything.

"A three of hearts – well, Tonks, you are screwed."  
"Gimme that fire whiskey, would you, Sirius?" I empty the bottle to the bottom and as the heat shots down my throat, I make the decision to give the boys the show they want. _Screw it, they are drunk, nobody is going to remember tomorrow._

I wobbly put the bottle somewhere behind me and slide down my panties. Sirius and Charlie stare wanton; Remus blushed from neck to scalp and quickly looks down. I can`t believe I am sitting in the middle of three men – one of them my cousin, one of them too old for me and the third probably more interested in dragons than girlfriends – completely naked.

I quickly lower my glance and begin to blush deeply red, too. The game is over, I have lost, and maybe I could leave now. But that would mean I would have to stand up and walk and bend over to pick my clothes up from all over the floor. _No, not the best of ideas._

Remus notices my insecurity and, having been a teacher, he also knows how to make people more secure.

"Hey Tonks." he asks politely. I look up, meeting his eyes that show nothing but support. I gulp.

"Yes?"

"I was just wondering… Could you transform into something humanly impossible?"

That question does not only startle me, but also gets the attention of the other two guys from my body to Remus.

"What do you mean? I have had duck beaks and elephant ears before – would you consider that humanly impossible?"

"I meant more like… size-wise. You know…" he awkwardly gestures in front of his chest, making Sirius and Charlie laugh. It forces a smile to my face – he makes it all fun and there is no reason to be uncomfortable.

I concentrate on my breasts and make them grow and grow… and grow until…  
"Wow! That must be a size… K!"

Maybe the worst idea ever just transformed into the funniest idea ever.


End file.
